Day 5:

i'm still missing you so badly...

when i'm alone, i kept thinking about you, my mum & dad.

tears just kept flowing when i think of you too much...

Was suppose to go to uncle calvin's house, i actually went pass his block & walk towards your block. i'm so used to going cell grp with you. i would always head towards your house first b4 going to cell group. Don't know when i can do it again.

Really hope i can get the hang of this.

i'm trying baby, i really am.

you must be strong & endure your time in army too.

i love you baby..

imy <3

Day 4

Hai baby, it's only Day 4. & i'm suffering like mad.

Mum got hospitalized this morning. I really just can't believe it that the people whom I loved the most on Earth is not around with me at all (for now). I miss my mum, i miss my dad, i miss you especially . I'm all alone now at home. I hate being alone. It's so scary, lonely & hurting.

I am so selfish. I just want the people i loved to be with me always. I just can't understand situations like this. I'm just dumb & naive.

Was missing you much. I took out the A|X shirt that has your smell on it from the plastic bag. The moment I took a deep breath, tears just keep flowing down my cheeks. I kept crying, I really really miss you so badly. I don't get to smell your smell which i used to everyday already. Your hugs that makes me feel secure, your kiss that always melt me, your laughter that makes me smile, your act-cuteness which makes me laugh & happy, your shoulder that i always lean on, your hands that i always hold, your words that's ever loving, your understanding, your patience, your fierce look, JUST EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU I MISSES. Words can't describe how much I need you. It make me realized that I can't live without you. If i were to collect the tears i've cried for the past few days, it can fill up a kiddy swimming pool already. I know you're crying too. But.... what can we do?

I thought that i can handle the situation well. But i proved myself real wrong.

I should have really really treasure you every single moment. I regretted saying those hurtful words to you before. Every cold war we had was just a waste of time. I promised baby, when you booked out, I'll cherish every single moment with you. I'll be the best girlfriend to you. I'll learn to be more understanding, patient, nice, gentle & more loving towards you.

You taught me many things, you've changed me.

I really thank God that he sent you into my life. Waiting for you is really worthwhile.... & i'll never regret it.

Thanks for worrying me even though you're in army. It's suppose to be the other way round though. But after every single day baby, i'll be stronger. Soon, it'll be my turn to be your strength & someone to reply on yea.

I love you baby.

Can't wait to see you on tues.

Really can't wait.

4 more days that we both gotta endure.

We can do it.

Goodnight. imy & irly.

Army Day 1

I'm back to this sad lil blog agn, got no one to talk to agn...

Hope you'll read it whenever you're free ^^

Sigh.... it's only day 1 & i cant take it anymore..

when you hug & kiss me for the last time, i suddenly felt the sense of loneliness.

but i was so happy when you texted me & called me on the phone just now..

it hit me that i should cherish every single moment & time with you..

without you around with me, things really arent the same. i really feel so lonely now..

i somehow regretted saying those awful & hurtful words to you before.

i've come to my senses alrd. it's really really hard to be parted with you...

but i have to look at the brighter side so i could stop crying..

Thinking that you'll be a real man when you're out, & i also could spend more time on my studies.. but seems like your presence is more impt to me than anything else..

ASDFGHKJGHGFFSLFLS!!!

i could keep on typing & crying & blowing my mucus. but i think i should really stop.

i think you need more encouragement than my rants. hehe

stay strong ok! i know you miss me like crazy too. but you must endure & persevere ok!

i'll be right here & there waiting for you, cheering for you.

even though i cant be there physically, i'll always be there mentally.

keep praying whenever you feel weak too. God will be there for you too. :)

& always keep that in mind that my love for you will never fade, but it'll grow more & more each day... no one can ever compare to you. my heart, is fully belong to you only.. i really miss you baby, i really really love you too.. words really cant expressed how i feel now.. but you got to know that you know that you know that nothing can ever separate us & stop us from loving each other.

Take care inside ok! jia you & be an officer. if you be officer, i promised to loose weight (in size though) & do well in my studies! & ohhhohohh ! i'll be waiting by the phone everyday for your call yea! =)

XOXO,

ME, YOUR DARLING, HONEY,DEAR, BAOBAO, BABY,BABE, (INSERT CHEESY NAME HERE)

^^

p/s: did i say tt i miss your smell? :(

Re: Previous Post

I guess I just can't let you go, even for awhile.

Talk through a bit yesterday night. Things got better.

But it's not the same anymore I think...

The feeling is not the same as last time anymore.

It's true that once a paper is being crushed & crumpled, it can never be straight & perfect anymore.

I know I'm still treating you cold. I need more time. My heart needs more time to heal.

Hi, it's been a long time posting here. Guess that I had the most wonderful time with you ever since.. But I guess I can't take it anymore. We really fight over small things uh.. We are still young, childish and petty I guess. Even though I was hoping that you would still hold on to me very tight when I was about to let go. But seems like I've expected too much, you let me go. I was lost for that moment, didn't know what to do. I prayed to God with tears that kept flowing down my cheeks. It was so pain, but I know I want to take a break. Am I too reckless? Is this the right choice? I don't know. Maybe this one week of break, I'll really reflect and pray to God about it. I really didn't want to let go though, but because you were not holding me tight enough that is why I decided to take a break, in hope that you'll hold me tighter next time. Yea, next time... I hope there will be a next time. I'm so tired of doing and saying the wrong things all the time. I'm a girl you know. Sometimes I wonder, are you really the one God chose for me? I'll pray over it and I hope to get the answer within a week.

The thing is can I even not to talk to you and see you for a week?

I don't think I can do it but I need to do it. It's one of the best way I could think right now.

You're going NS soon, and I really really really hope this 1 week will not be a waste.

I'm soo tired. Need to stop here now.

Adults don't really care to hear what the youngsters wanna say uh.

Going to watch the NDP tgt w/ you! hehe excited.

Anw. what happened today shows me what you've been through all these times.

it's really hard on you baby. Persecutions are always attacking us, but we must stay strong tgt. God will guide us thru yea. Hope that your dad will open up one day. :)

Btw, you're sleeping on the soffa right now & i'm beside you! haha! Just painted my nails & I dnknw what to do now. Looking @ you sleeping makes me happy. hahaha! :) I love your smell a lot. ^^

Goodnight!

today is D-day :)

i love you baby.

Our first time together making love

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY BABY PAU!

Bought couple tees for our 5th month anniversary~ i looooove it~

I'm so touched that u felt touched abt the surprise i gave you, didn't expect you to cry though!

muahahah! Anw, God bless you in everything you do.

After 21 years of living, you finally found me! hehe! & i found you too!

Thanks for choosing me to spend your life with. Thanks for appreciating everything i did for you.

Had a good time @ the chalet too.

but 1 thing i wna tell is that, you're suppose to enjoy on your birthday, & not to worry or tire yourself out alright? Hope each year will get better.

ooh ya, you're no longer a youth! (i think) hahaha! can watch R21 alrd! YOUR DREAM CAME TRUE! haha! Anw, thanks for being gentle with me just now.

i dknw y, but you're the only 1 that can make me feel ************** easily. haha! But we gotta be careful in everything we do. We almost did that O.O

haha! anw, anw, anw, I REALLY LOVE YOU! ALWAYS WILL ALWAYS DO~

^^

14-18th July

July

HAPPY 5th MONTH ANNIVERSARY PAU!

Time past so fast when i'm with you.
I don't mind growing old with you too~ heehee.
Thanks for the sweet sms you sent me earlier.
BUT WHY YOU SO FAST SLP?! @.@
Anw, I love you too baby & always will.

^^

MS

I.....

HAVE.....

MOOD.......

SWING.........! O.O


I can't believe it! I'm soo sorry you have to suffer :(

But it really hurts me when you say: "I can't do anything/I can't be bothered/ I don't care you lah...

Super awful words that stab right thru my heart; deep inside.

Don't say you're useless too, it makes me feel like it's my fault or sth.
& it's neither your fault too.. it's just too complicated to explain.
Just give & take i guess?

Anyway, I love you. Even though I get angry/upset with you easily, I get over it fast too.
You soooooo cute and handsome, how to get angry with you for long~ @.@

Yeap, your birthday is around e corner, i don't wish to spoil your days ahead.
So I pray that I won't say or do anything wrong these few days that will make you angry.
& I alsp pray that we'll be happy everyday!



*can't wait for thursday, my 1st attempt, hope it don't fail b'cos it's damn simple*



<3 ^^

My heart has no bottom for my love for you.

i'm sorry about the previous post.

i think i was being harsh.

i'm just being emotional.

and i realized that i can't leave you, for i love you so much.

i'm afraid of letting you go. i really want you to be by my side only & nth else.

not seeing you for a day seems like I've not seen you for a hundred years.

i really love you baby.

but i'm afraid right now, afraid that you will know that i'm not as great as you thought i would be.

i'm afraid you might leave me one day b'cos of my character and attitude again.

baby, promise me you won't leave me alright?

promise me that you'll be with me no matter what alright?

i love you, and will always do.

i love you baby,

but your love for me, i dknw....

i feel like it's dried up.

i just need your attention more.

i want you to be with me only, i can't be understanding enough.

i just want to spend quality time with you before you go in.

but when we have the time tgt, i'm always getting upset over silly things.

& yes, i get jealous easily. i get jealous over your friends.

seems like you're always happy when u're with them,

and feel like hell when u're with me; you got to hear my complaints n nagging.

i don't want to cry my eyes out anymore. my eyes needs a rest.

i cry over small things, i cry over big things, i cry most of the night.

bet that you're not even aware of it.

just want to tell you that i'm weak physically n emotionally,

i've changed so much that i don't even recognized myself anymore.

and you're always saying it's your fault, but did you do anything about it?

it's true u're useless, you don't even know your own girlfriend's heart is breaking like fuck.

and you know what hurts? it's when no one listens to me, including you.

i really don't know. God's being tough on me.

maybe i shouldn't even be your girlfriend in the first place. so that you'll not feel burdened or hurt or pressure or whatever shit u feel.

maybe i shouldn't even exist. so i won't trouble people around me anymore.

maybe all i need now is.............

death?

but i don't have the courage to do so.

& i really don't want to let you go.

ohhh~ so happy~

4TH MONTH RING

YAY! YOU "PROPOSED" TO ME WITH A LOVELY RING W/ A NAME "CHUNNIE" ON IT!

I LOVE YOU BABY! HEEHEE~

Thanks for taking care of me when i'm sick.

Thanks for being patient with me when i'm cranky.

Thanks for being a wonderful boyfriend at times.

Thanks for loving me.

Thanks for taking care of my family.

Thanks for being my boyfriend.

Thanks for jogging with me last time.

Thanks for going to church.

Thanks for everything you've done...

including breaking my heart...

i cried b'cos of you again.

When I thought everything seems right,
something wrong will happen.

i'm sorry. i knw u're crying inside too.

Thanks baby for everything.

I have now realised how much you meant to me.

It's not easy to have you, so I promised myself, I won't let you go easily too.

Now I know why you'll get upset with me easily, b'cos you love me.

:> Baby, I love you too.

You are one of e greatest gift God has given me.

Let's stay strong tgt yea.

p/s : i love you!

XOXO,

ME! =D

is it really like tt..

after being tgt, is it hard to take jokes frm ur gf?

i was just teasing you, y so serious..

& if you think its not funny..

i'm sorry, i'm like tt..

Guess it's ok after all ^^

Thanks for trying your best.

Soon, we will not have as much time to meet each other.

Just wanna let you know, i'll treasure you.

It's not easy, so I won't let go.

ANYWAY.....

Thanks for everything baby!

( yes, everything...! )

XOXO

If I had to explain every single thing I said....

I miss the time we had tgt b4 we got tgt.

Not Meant To Be

It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you wanted from me
And knowing that if I give that to you
I might just disappear

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
I know it's like trying to turn around on one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
That's theres no way out for you and me
And it seems to be the story of our lives

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me
And I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

There's still time to turn this around
You could building this up instead of tearing it down
But I keep thinking
Maybe it's too late

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind
I know it's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me
And I, I finally see
Maybe we're not meant to be

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, baby I'm sorry to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

Baby, what do you think?

Had another silence fight with you again while eating.

First it was when I rolled my eyes at you @ Popeye's. & Today I coughed at your face.

I really didnt know these small lil things could upset you so much.

I've tried my best to please you, but that's not the real me.

Maybe baby, maybe you really have no idea what's the real me.

It seems like we both live a 2 different kind of world.

I can't fully accept the way you are, neither can you.

That's right, I'm selfish, childish, irritating & fuxked. Maybe that's e reason 3 yrs ago.

I always thought that loving wholeheartedly is equal to accepting ALL his/her shortcomings?

I almost had enough, but we just started out only. & I didn't want to be disappointed again.

I don't knw bout you, but I'm feeling confused.

Shld we give each other more time? Or just continue this, seeing whether we'll really work this out?

Baby, I really love you. But I don't knw the reasons why.

I know it's hard for you too. But somehow, I'm sick of saying sorry already.

I feel like a shit now.

What am I even typing......